The Old Dog

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful, elderly poodle named Cuddles, along for the company. One day the old poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch. The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says..."Where's that darn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!

Moral of this story....

Don't mess with the old dogs...age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! Baloney and brilliance only come with age and experience!

M R DUX

M R DUX
M R not DUX
O S M R
C M wings?
I L B
M R DUX

I use to get the biggest laugh from reading this but lost it for many years until the other day when it appeared again at my sister’s house. I was having a hard time reading it – until Amy read it to me with a southern drawl.

May you enjoy it as much as I do.

Vicks VapoRub

I don’t know if this is true. I got a big laugh when I read this. My family can attest to how much I like Vick. I have been doing this my whole life.

One story before you read article below.

When my son, Jesse was young I put Vicks on his forehead thinking that it would comfort him like it does me. Then I left - Tom came in a few minutes later to hear Jesse yelling ‘take it off - take it off’. At first Tom was confused about why he was yelling. Jesse got his forehead washed off and I have never heard the end of this. This still brings the biggest laugh.

COULD THIS POSSIBLY WORK???

Vicks VapoRub

WOW!! I was raised and raised my kids with Vicks how come I never knew this can't wait for my next cough...amazing!!!! READ IT ALL a believer in Vicks Vaporub !

Sorry, no graphic for this one, and don't laugh, it works 100% of the time although the scientists at the Canada Research council (who discovered it) aren't sure why.

To stop nighttime coughing in a child (or adult as we found out personally), put Vicks Vaporub generously on the bottom of the feet at bedtime, then cover with socks.

Even persistent, heavy, deep coughing will stop in about 5 minutes and stay stopped for many, many hours of relief. Works 100% of the time and is more effective in children than even very strong prescription cough medicines. In addition it is extremely soothing and comforting and they will sleep soundly.

I heard the head of the Canada Research Council describe these findings on the part of their scientists when they were investigating the effectiveness and usage of prescription cough medicines in children as compared to alternative therapies like acupressure. Just happened to tune in A.M. Radio and picked up this guy talking about why cough medicines in kids often do more harm than good due to the chemical makeup of these strong drugs, so, I listened.

It was a surprising finding and found to be more effective than prescribed medicines for children at bedtime, and in addition, to have a soothing and calming effect on sick children who then went on to sleep soundly.

Lolly tried it on herself when she had a very deep constant and persistent cough a few weeks ago and it worked 100%! She said that it felt like a warm blanket had enveloped her, coughing stopped in a few minutes and believe me, this was a deep, ( incredibly annoying!) every few seconds uncontrollable cough, and she slept cough free for hours every night that she used it.

So, if you have Grandchildren, pass it on, if you end up sick, try it yourself and you will be absolutely amazed by the effect.

A Normal Weekday Morning to Noon, Spring-2007

Here is a miracle of God. Luke was dead but the Lord gave him back to us. And I am very thankful for this. You can read his blog -

http://www.howsluke.blogspot.com/

April 20, 2007

Every morning I go over to my sister’s house

through the gate in the back yard, to help with Luke

- getting him ready for the day.Exercising and having fun in the warm water.

He gets massaged,

dressed, and does more exercises.

Lifting his head on his own.

He helps brush his teeth.

He stands on the armchair while I blow dry his hair.

Here he is again lifting his head up. His neck is getting stronger all the time.

We work out on the big ball. This helps him produce a good cough
On the couch we work on - his arms facing down he does the swimming motion, up he does all kinds of songs ‘Wheels on the bus’ and ‘When I’m riding on my bike’ - his legs we do paddling up and down, a walking motion and bending knee – then he sits up this strengthens his back and neck.

We make-believe he is riding a horse.
He is getting to where he can sit up for a very short time on his own.

He is put his swing for his breakfast. Sometimes I stay there until he is done and afterward lay him on the couch to sleep or to watch a video.

Outside in his stander

Have I told you yet how much I love this young man? The goodness of God to me is beyond understanding. That Luke is alive, waking up more and more is a gift straight from God's heart to me. Later I will write about my sister who drowned when I was four, almost five and how God has worked in my life through these tragedies.
2003
Since Luke was four months old he smiled deep into my eyes. This picture is his smile to me before the accident. Before the accident I had this picture enlarged and wrote under it ‘May we look into the face of Jesus as Luke looks into mine.’
Luke has a beautiful smile. April 2007

Doing some school at my house

After working with Luke, I go home and teach Luke's brothers

- Isaiah & Ezekiel -

Reading and Writing

The Bears Playground

October 11,2006
Some folks who live in the Goldenview part of the Hillside area in Anchorage just built this playground in their yard last weekend for their 3 and 4 year-old boys. The next morning, the mom woke up to this scene. There were four juvenile black bears. Somewhere in the trees was the mother sow.

Later that same day, a large bull moose moseyed around in the woodchips, inspecting the area.It appears they may need to erect a 12-foot fence before letting any children out to play there.

AWWW, wasn't it nice of these people to build a play set for the wildlife? Only in Alaska I swear....

Sent to me from my sister- Lori

As A Young Minister

As a young minister, I was asked by a funeral director to hold a grave-side service for a homeless man, with no family or friends, who had died while traveling through the area. The funeral was to be held at a cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost; and being a typical man did not stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late. I saw the backhoe and the crew, who were eating lunch, but the hearse was nowhere in sight.

I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, and stepped to the side of the open earth. There I saw the vault lid already in place. I assured the workers I would not hold them long, but this was the proper thing to do. The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I poured out my heart and soul. As I preached the workers began to say "Amen," "Praise the Lord," and"Glory."

I preached, and I preached, like I'd never preached before -- From Genesis all the way to Revelation.

I closed the lengthy service with a prayer and walked to my car. I felt I had done my duty for the homeless man, and that the crew would leave with a renewed sense of purpose and dedication, in spite of my tardiness.

As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the workers saying to another "I ain't never seen anythin' like this before...and I've been putting in septic tanks fer 20 years!"

Sent to me from my sister.

Here is the List

Wednesday was a busy day. In the afternoon I went to the Dollar Store to buy gifts for the kids that come on Wednesday nights. Have I already said that they are the greatest? Last week they did a coloring contest and a fine job they did, too. I was getting their prizes.

After setting everything up I was so excited about them getting their gifts and seeing their faces. The kids all had a number above their name in the order of how well they did.

Just before number four was called, Pastor Tom came in, said he needed something from home and asked if I could run home to get it. He brought Sharon in to help with the activity. I handed Sharon my list pointed to number four, Ben and said that the kids had numbers by their names. I ran home got the item and returned to the room. I was so confused by what I saw and I asked if they were already done? Thinking boy that sure was fast. They say no, we couldn’t read the list.

Here is the list that I gave to Sharon.

I am still getting the biggest laugh from this.

Jesse and the Hornets

And the Nominees Are...

Once upon a time, oooh, about 16 years ago, in a land about two hours away... Our family went out to visit my Grandparents. At that time they lived on the waterfront, with nothing separating them from the waves except for a rather large cliff. My two older brothers, being the adventuresome chaps that they were, decided to descend the cliff to the beach instead of taking the obvious way, the stairs. It was a pleasant summer day so it made only perfect sense to tackle this feat while wearing shorts. They had started their way down the cliff when my eldest brother smashed into a hornet's nest. Luckily, my other brother made it back up a little quicker, but unfortunately, Jesse suffered a gruesome fate. The hornets swarmed up his shorts, into his shirt, got entangled in his awesome afro, all the while he was trying to scramble his way to the top. All right, so shortening this story a tad, once he made it into the house my mom quickly whisked him away to soak in a tub of vinegar (yummay!) to help suck out some of the venom. I believe that in total he suffered about 25 stings. He started going into some form of shock and I was sure that he was now on his deathbed. I remember my feelings at that moment. My undying love of my dying brother, and the heartache of losing him. I could practically hear the soundtrack playing in the background (I believe it was the song from Fiefel). They had moved him from the tub and now he was shivering on the couch. I slowly walked over to him, knelt down by his side, and gently rested my hands next to his head. Tears beginning to swell in my eyes, I looked at him and said, "I love you, Jesse...". To which he so inspirationally replied, "OH, SHUT UP, NAOMI!" The soundtrack screeched to a stop.

Academy Award? Oh, I think so...

I'm Not A Lion - I'm A Horsie

When Josiah was almost three his father caught him telling a lie. So his dad proceeded to explain to him how lying was wrong. Josiah in that little child’s voice said, “Daddy, I’m not a lion - I’m a horsie.”

What can you say to that? After you pick yourself off the ground laughing.

Paradise in Washington

Today is my Father’s birthday. He and my Mom went to Paradise Resort by Silver Creek. They took along with them my two nephews, Isaiah seven and Ezekiel six. In the evening they all came back to celebrate Natalie’s 18th birthday. Nat is the sister of the boys. After the party Natalie and all her friend went down stairs to play games. The older ones of us, the two boys and their young friend, Bonnie, played ‘Apple to Apples’ the Christian version. During the game one of the card read ‘Paradise’ – Ezekiel face lit up and he said, "We went to paradise today." We all got the biggest laugh from that.

Men versus Women

Men Versus Women

Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time.

A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

And then there is silence in the car.

To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward...I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking: So, that means it was...let's see...February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means... let me check the odometer... Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed, even before I sensed it, that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I'm going to have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what they say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty… scumballs.

And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a warranty. I'll take their warranty and...

"Roger," Elaine says aloud.

"What?" says Roger, startled.

"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. Maybe I should never have... Oh God, I feel so... She breaks down, sobbing.

"What?" says Roger.

"I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."

"There's no horse?" says Roger.

"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.

"No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

"It's just that...it's that I...I need some time," Elaine says.

There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work. "Yes," he says.

Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand. "Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says.

"What way?" says Roger.

"That way about time," says Elaine.

"Oh," says Roger. "Yes."

Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks. "Thank you, Roger," she says.

"Thank you," says Roger. Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn.

When Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it.

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say, "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"

And that's the difference between men and women.

Interesting Information—Fun Trivia

Many years ago, in Scotland, a new game was invented.
It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"
and the word GOLF entered into the English language.
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The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstones.
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Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than for the US Treasury.
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Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
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Coca-Cola was originally green.
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It is impossible to lick your elbow.
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The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska.
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The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% ( now get this...)The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
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The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400.
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The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000.
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Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
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The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.
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The youngest pope was 12 years old. Benedict IX (1032 AD)
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The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
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The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
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Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:Spades - King David; Hearts - Charlemagne; Clubs - Alexander; Diamonds - Julius Caesar
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111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
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If a statue in the park has a person on a horse with both front legs in the air, that person died in battle.If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle.If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
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Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
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Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace
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Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession
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Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter A? A. One thousand
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Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?A. All invented by women.
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Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
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Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day
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In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on.Hence the phrase "goodnight, sleep tight."
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It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month...which we know today as the honeymoon.
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In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down. It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"
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Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.
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AND FINALLY At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.