The New English -- A Proposal (A silly story)

The New English - - A Proposal

The New California Governor has just announced
an agreement whereby English will be the official language
of the state, rather than German which was the other possibility.


As part of the negotiations,
The Terminator's Government conceded that English spelling
had some room for improvement
and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would
become known as "Austro-English"
(or, if nobody will be offended, "Austrionics")..

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".
Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k".
This should klear up konfusion,
and keyboards kan have one less letter.


There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year
when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f".
This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling
kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated
changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal
of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag
is disgrasful and it should go away.


By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such
as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou"
and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis
and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza.
Ze drem of a United urop vil finali kum tru.

If zis mad yu smil, zen I am hapy